possible change of future plans

Today was warm and sunny and Paresky lawn was teeming with students. Eating, tanning, flopping around on the grass. There was a week in mid-April last year that was just like this except even warmer. It certainly doesn't make anyone want to hole up in the library and get a million things done.

Last night I stayed in the library until the nerd bell working on my history paper. For that class, I don't really have the option of turning it in late because he gives zeros if it's not done upon arrival in class. It's sort of nice, actually, because then I wake up the next morning and the paper is gone from my life. While it might have been more responsible to get an appropriate amount of sleep and finish the paper the next day, I had no choice but to finish it last night, or at least before my classes started. So I didn't get much sleep at all. After leaving Sawyer I worked in Goodrich (like a miniature student center) until very late.

In light of this all, I'm running a bit low on stamina. This morning I had to wake up and literally run all over campus, printing things out and getting food before class, because I got up so late. Not actually late, but only a few minutes before my 8:45 class. Though it does help to jump-start my metabolism and circulate my blood, I suspect that loping around with a 25-lbs backpack five minutes after waking up is not the healthiest way to start a day. I'd prefer yoga.

I'm just not sure how sustainable all of this is. It's really not a peaceful way to be. And my sanity is not helped by various responsibilities to the WCJA, Student Symphony, and now Dodd Board. It's not that much more than anyone else does, but in a way that's irrelevant. There are people who do a lot more than I do and have no trouble, and for them, they are not doing too much. But if I can't find a calm moment in my day, I'm doing too much. If every week, I say, "this is a really bad week," then there's a problem.

I think I'd like to be a high school history teacher. I don't remember if I've mentioned that before. It's a fairly recent conclusion. For a long while (over a year) I've wanted to be a college history teacher or some sort of academic, or maybe a museum administrator or curator. Now, I'm starting to rethink that. My shift of mindset was specifically motivated by my time in St. Michaels during spring break. Though I suppose I knew it all along based on my own experiences, a teacher can have such an enormous impact on so many people's lives in a way that I'm not sure a professor can. I'd love to conduct history research, travel to conferences, and write a book, but I'd really be doing all of those things for myself. I think I would be really happy on certain levels. But my work would touch so few people - only my academic peers, my students, anyone else who happens to stumble upon it.

I'll probably write more about this as my ideas shift, as they constantly do. Which is part of why I barely have a major. Yay!